Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Mount Beermore

Lately, I have had a lot of pretty dark and depressing posts. What can I say, it's been a weird, rough month. That's not what this blog is about though, so fuck it, let's talk about beer.

This is obviously a subject I have touched on in the past (I mean, this blog was once known as "Brews and Balls". Anyone remember that? Nope? Ok.), most notably in The Beer Index. This was Volume 1, and this was Volume 2. I enjoyed doing the Index, but the idea felt played out, which is why I haven't done it since.

One of my favorite writers is Bill Simmons from A few years ago, he touched on Mount Rapmore, the Mount Rushmore of rappers. I decided that would be a perfect new way to attack the beer angle. So here we go; my four favorite beers of all-time.

George Washington: Miller Lite

The old standby. Miller Lite has been with me through thick and thin. Some of my favorite memories from my time at the Main U were playing Tiger Woods golf in battlemode against my buddy Jon, and eating a pile of pretzels. Naturally, the pretzels made us thirsty, so we chased them down with can after can of Miller Lite. Don't believe me? Here's the proof:

Yikes. At least I had hair! Not only that, but Miller Lite has been worn on my chest proudly at softball for years. Pitchers on top of pitchers have been consumed by the squad, at a tidy $5.50 each. So, like George Washington, Miller Lite was there first, comes through when it matters most, and may have owned slaves at one point.

Thomas Jefferson: Grain Belt Premium

PREMO!!!! It is probably my favorite type of suds to enjoy on a hot, sunny summer day. One of the best days last summer was spent on Jon's fishing boat with Aaron, Sweezy and Nate, cruising down the river on the way to the casino in pursuit of strippers and cocaine (Ok, in pursuit of blackjack tables and Marb Reds, but you get the idea). What accompanied us the whole ride down? A cooler full of delicious Premo.

I get tired of the whole "Minnesota Nice" thing, but Premo's slogan, "The Friendly Beer" is fitting. It's a great beer to snag a case of and have at a barbecue. As far as any similarities to Thomas Jefferson go, I can't really think of any. Point is, it had to be on my mountain.

Theodore Roosevelt: Summit Pale Ale

Pound for pound, probably my favorite overall beer. I love the rich, hoppy taste. It's one of the few "heavier" beers I don't mind drinking during the summer because while it is a hearty brew, it still goes down smooth. Plus, the shit will get you fucked up!

I was introduced to Summit by Mr. Jeremy King during bowling league. (Yes ladies, I bowl. I know you want some of this.) During league, if everyone but you marks in the 5th frame, you have to buy the team a pitcher. Since I suck, I've purchased many pitchers over the years, a great deal of them being Summit. Getting beer framed wasn't necessarily a bad thing for me, as I bowl better -unk than I do sober. On the other hand, the wheels completely fall off if I get drunk, so it's a fine line.

Teddy was the Rough-Rider himself, and Summit is the most aggressive beer on my mountain...although I don't believe it has ever overtaken Puerto Rico.

Abraham Lincoln: Fitger's Apricot Wheat

I can hear the cat-calls already: "Tom, you have a beer with the word 'Apricot' in it in your top 4? What, do you prefer the company of men?" No, I do not. Nor do I believe Abe did, despite what you might read (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Say what you will about Apricot Wheat, but it's just a good Goddamned beer. It's rich, flavorful, and stronger than one would expect. One of the best ways to enjoy it is to pick up a Growler and bring it home. A word of advice, though: If you decide to go the Growler route, make sure you drink it all in a couple days. Once the vacuum cap is popped, it goes flat pretty fast.

Looks like that just about does it for good ol' Mount Beermore. I'm sure I will write about beer more (See what I did there?) as soon as I find a new gimmicky way to do it. Peace, bitches!

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