Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Not Finding Bigfoot

I'm not quite sure what wonderful potion is in the water at the offices of Animal Planet, but I want it running through my pipes. First, "Whale Wars" came into my life. Now, I have discovered "Finding Bigfoot".

From the people who brought you a show about incompetent morons trying to save whales, we now bring you a show about incompetent morons traipsing through the woods in a new location every week, looking for a mythical creature, howling at the top of their lungs, and hitting trees with baseball bats!

The show is about the Bigfoot Research Organization, a group who searches in vain trying to prove that Sasquatches exist. My favorite character is Bobo, a lumbering oaf who has one of the most amazing voices ever (Seriously, a million times better than that homeless announcer guy) but probably could never be a professional announcer because I'm not entirely convinced he can read. Another character is the actual biologist who is probably a lesbian and is definitely the most respectable member of the cast. She is so questioning at all times, I actually think she doesn't even really believe in Bigfoot and just goes along for the ride because it is a really easy paycheck.

The funniest part of the show is when they say things like, "We know Bigfoots turn grey as they age, just like humans," or "A Sasquatch knocks on trees to communicate with each other." How can they possibly know this?!? They almost certainly don't exist. Honestly, if these things are real, why don't we have any corpses anywhere, or an accidental hunting shooting, or one in a zoo somewhere? It is impossible to me that these enormous creatures could hide this well. Even if they do exist, we have never had one in captivity in order to study them, learn how they age and communicate, etc. Passing these things off as fact to people like me is humorous. Doing it to people who believe almost seems cruel. It will make other believers try this nonsense themselves, and waste their times too. The other hilarious thing is they maim the word Sasquatch and turn in into verbs, like, "These woods are very Squatchy!"

I must say though, other than the biologist, I truly do believe that these people believe what they are saying and in the Bigfoot. I just don't know why. I've seen virtually every episode of "MonsterQuest". These mythical creatures are just that; myths. I understand that it is cool to believe in these things, but this world is an incredible place with thousands of amazing creatures already. We don't need to invent any more.

Plus, who am I to laugh at them? They are doing something they love, have a TV show, I'm sure are compensated well, and I'm me. BFRO 1, Tom 0. Besides, I love (laughing at) this show, so I hope they don't stop hunting anytime soon.


  1. I think one of the best things you said here is, "They ALMOST certainly don't exist." Really? I get it though, keep an open-mind. I'm with ya.

    But also, how can you maim the word Sasquatch? Isn't the word Sasquatch already pretty maimed in itself? I doubt you walked around using the word Sasquatch on an hourly basis and are now bummed because the show maimed it for you and makes you think of the word Squatchy. However, when I watched the show, I do think that was one of my favorite parts, and I do want to make Squatchy a part of my regular vocabulary. Consider it done.

    Last, the fact that you know all of these characters names and that you openly admitted that you have seen every episode of MonsterQuest tells me that you do, desperately, need a hobby. Look up hobbies on google. That'll get you a good start. Anything that'll get that Tom-shaped ass print out of your couch for a while would be a good start. However, I shouldn't talk, because I am exactly, exactly, the same. So nevermind, keep watching, because I enjoy reading the blogs.

  2. Using my extraordinary powers of observation I've deduced that Courtikate26 is both female and 26 years of age. Tom, you should date her!