Thursday, June 17, 2010

Liar, Liar

This post is a little different than most. The majority of what I've done on here has been structured "comedy". This one is more of my thoughts spilling out of my bulbous head and onto the page. When I'm sitting around by myself working all night, my mind wanders into really random places. This post is a love child of my boredom and random thoughts. One strange thought that floated through my brain tonight was this: I lie a lot.

Now, I generally regard myself to be a good person, but I'm certainly no Honest Abe either. I am by no means malicious with my lies. I don't mislead people to hurt them. I just tend to lie about the stupidest things. Mostly just when I'm answering questions like "How are you doing,", "What are you plans for the night/weekend,", "Do these pants make me look fat?" (No, your body does, but I'm not mean enough to say so.), stuff like that. I'm not saying I never answer these questions truthfully, but sometimes I say nay. I think it's because I don't like to pull the curtain back completely on my life. My life is extremely boring of course, but I've always been private by nature. I don't have any interesting skeletons in my closet (as far as you know), but I'm not a complete open book the way some people are.

So far, we haven't touched on anything overly Earth-shattering (or arguably, interesting) yet. Everyone tells little white lies. (Quick tangent: why are they called "little white lies"? Is it a euphamism suggesting that larger lies are darker and more dangerous, thus making the smaller ones "white". Anyway, I digress).

Thinking about my own lies made me think of something scary: If decent people like you and I lie a lot, what of the less scupulous sorts? Do they ever tell the truth? How do they live with themselves?

I once almost started dating a girl a few years back. We hung out for a few weeks, and then I found out through her friends that she was a few months pregnant with some other creep's child. When I pressed her about it, she claimed that she had been pregnant, but miscarried before we started hanging out. NOT TRUE! She absolutely was still knocked up. Not only that, but she had miscarried a year prior. She was 19 and had been knocked up multiple times in the same calendar year!!! Once I told her I knew with certainty that she had been lying, she turned the tables on me for going behind her back! This wasn't even true as I stumbled across the info accidentally, but whatever. Exclamation points!

Say we had started dating. What was she going to do when she started to show? Claim it was mine? I may not be well-versed on pregnancy, but the timing of the progression would have been a few months off. I'm sharp enough to pick up on that at some point. Just stop talking to me? Maybe, but then what was the point to begin with?

Ultimately, it worked out in my favor, as she sucked regardless of being with child. That's not the point though. The point is, how can people like that live with themselves, and how many webs of lies do they weave on a daily basis?

The lessons we have learned today are the following: Feel free to lie, but only if it is something that doesn't matter, and if you're pregnant, own up to it. Anywho, this post has been long, disjointed, and pointless, so I'm going to put it to bed, something I am looking forward to doing to myself as soon as this shift ends.

Saturday, June 12, 2010


The Pavano 'stache.
A gift from the skies above;
Lip hair from heaven.

A weather report:
Duluth cold as usual;
Balls inside torso.

World Cup has started.
Sportsmanship rules the tourney;
Ties for everyone!

You can't buy happiness.
Money can get jet skis though.
Close enough I'd say.

Hoverboards now real?
Fire up the Delorean!
Biff is still a dick.