Sunday, September 19, 2010

Stalked Up: A Rocket To The Moon Edition

As a guy who doesn't have a CD player in his car (I have one, but it's in my room. I don't know how to install it and I'm too cheap to pay someone else to do it. Don't judge me.), I listen to the radio a lot. I've realized that many popular love songs have creepy ass lyrics. I'm not sure if most people don't notice this, or don't care, but I'm fed up. It's time for someone to start calling out these songs, and since I have nothing better to do, I guess I'll do it.

Recently, the song "Like We Used To" has come to my attention, as it is played on the radio constantly. Its creepiness is immediately noticeable. However, if you see the lyrics typed up, it reads like a murder-suicide note.

The band who unleashed this stalkers' anthem on the world is A Rocket To The Moon. I've never heard of them before, so I had to Google one of the most uncomfortable lines from this song to figure out who I am putting in the crosshairs.

The gist of the song is that his girlfriend broke up with him (presumably), and is dating a new gentleman. He is singing to her, asking whether or not her new beau is doing all of the "romantic" things he used to do.

The most uncomfortable part of the song is when he is describing her having sex in a car. Fine, except that he is talking about her and the new guy having sex for the first time. It seems that he is talking about her losing her virginity. Not only that, but he knows it was precisely "14 months and 7 days ago". Problem is, why does he know what day it was? Why is he keeping track of how many days ago it was? Finally, he says "Oh, I know you know how we felt that night." Somehow, he knew it was happening while it was happening. The only possible explanation is if he was watching them do it. Even if she decided to tell him it happened and the exact date of the deed, he wouldn't have felt any different during the act unless he has some weird power where he can sense when his ex-girlfriend is being penetrated. Also, I'm thinking her feelings and his didn't exactly overlap that night.

He goes on to croon, "And we both know/It should've been me inside that car/It should've been me instead of him/In the dark." Apparently not. The V-card transaction took place over 14 months ago already. If she really wishes you would've tubed her in the car instead of her boyfriend, she wouldn't still be with this guy. I understand women are insane, but if she loves you and not him, and you are so clearly still enamored with her, she would get back together with you. Douche.

Later, he says, "You're on my mind, love/(I know I'm not needed)." If you know you're not needed, than go the hell away already. Leave her alone! And don't make terrible songs about her.

The cherry on this shit sundae is him telling her "Will you promise if this one's right/Don't throw it all away." Basically, don't repeat the mistake you made with me. In other words, he spends the whole song telling this broad she should've let him bone her first, that he was the perfect boyfriend, that he still loves her, that she never should've broken up with him, but good luck with this new guy. At that point, it's no longer admirable to wish her well, it's bipolar.

In conclusion, I'm not saying that I want the members of A Rocket To The Moon to wander into traffic. However, if I'm never subjected to one of their awful songs again for whatever reason, my life will be marginally happier.

So that's it for the first edition of "Stalked Up". I shall return at a later date with a skewering of Clay Aiken's "Invisible". Later.

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