tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23001792133244462122010-07-21T22:28:49.965-07:00Brews and BallsA random collection of sporadically updated nonsense.Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-24802162179171407332010-07-21T21:53:00.000-07:002010-07-21T22:28:49.975-07:002010-07-21T22:28:49.975-07:00So Many Possibilities, So Few CertaintiesI am a 24 year old college graduate. I am single, I am working at the same job I was during school, I have piles of debt from various sources, and I will be moving into my parents’ basement sooner rather than later.<br /><br />Now that that’s out of the way…<br /><br />My life is obviously not where I had envisioned it going into college as a bright-eyed 18 year old. So what the hell happened? A lot.<br /><br />When I applied to go to college, I got into the University of Minnesota’s architecture program, the only school I applied for. Everything seemed so easy. Then I actually went to school.<br /><br />I was a good, not great, high school student who got by without studying. It turns out that doesn’t work in college. It also turned out I decided architecture wasn’t for me, and ultimately, neither was the Main U anymore.<br /><br />After I got to UMD, I worked my ass off and earned my Economics degree, even making the Dean’s List once. I finished in December of 2008, and was excited to get into the real world. That’s where things got messy.<br /><br />In hindsight, my biggest mistake was trying to run my own insurance agency. I didn’t have the money, experience or time to succeed at that and finish school at the same time. I invested a lot of money and didn’t return nearly enough, so I was put in the hole.<br /><br />Ever since, the worst recession since the Great Depression peaked and hasn’t gone away yet. People with loads more experience than I have are applying for the same careers I am trying to get into. Economics degrees are great in that they are flexible. What sucks about them though is it doesn’t specifically train you for one type of career, the way many others do. When the market is tight, it just doesn’t jump off of the resume to potential employers. At least I have a job. I am very grateful I was able to get my old job back, but it’s simply not enough to pay the bills.<br /><br />So now what? I apply, apply, apply, and I am still where I started, except that I owe loads more money. This is especially true now that my student loan grace period has passed. My degree hasn’t earned me an extra cent yet, but it’s already costing me hundreds of dollars a month.<br /><br />The most frustrating part is that I’ve been extremely close to getting hired for jobs that would have allowed me to start paying down a lot of this debt and take a lot of stress out of my life. For various reasons, none of them worked out. I won’t get into the details as far as what and where the jobs were or why I didn’t get them because it really doesn’t matter anymore. The fact I didn’t get them is all that matters at this point.<br /><br />Getting kicked in the face repeatedly hurts, but it gets numb after awhile. I’m at the point now where I don’t expect things to change anytime soon. I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed yet again.<br /><br />I realize this hasn’t been the most uplifting piece so far. Still, I am not going to give up on myself. I know I am talented and will eventually be given a chance to prove myself. I just don’t know when. I am down but I am absolutely not out.<br /><br />The big question now is what’s next? I’ve considered many possibilities, some more plausible than others. I could try to get an MBA or take the CFA. I could go back to school for something completely different. I’ve even kicked around the idea of going back into architecture, but it’s not something I’ve seriously looked into. I really enjoy writing, but I am fairly resigned to the fact it’s something I will do for fun but will probably never make any money doing.<br /><br />I know this post has been completely about me and probably hasn’t been real entertaining. I wanted to write this for two reasons though. Being able to vent is important, and sometimes typing it on a page is every bit as good as confiding in someone face to face. The other reason is I know I’m not alone. The economy sucks right now. Just getting a college degree doesn’t guarantee you anything, and I absolutely know I’m not the only one struggling with this right now. I guess I just feel like this is identifiable to people in my position. I also think most successful people could see some of themselves in this also. Very few success stories just magically happen. The people who are on top of the mountain worked their asses off to get there. With continued work, I hope I can join them someday.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-2480216217917140733?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-72382402951054199962010-07-08T00:48:00.000-07:002010-07-08T01:43:20.240-07:002010-07-08T01:43:20.240-07:00Inventions I Wish I Could InventI'm not a wealthy man. Rich in love, sure, but not monetarily. It is my belief that if I was capable of cranking out one of the following inventions, my pockets would be stuffed with green. Due to fiscal and, in certain cases, practical reasons, I will never be able to make any of these exist. Luckily for you however, I can write about them. Let's do it!<br /><br /><strong>Sober Goggles</strong><br /><br />Everyone has heard of, and perhaps even tried, drunk goggles. Sure, they're good for a lark, but they don't serve any practical purpose or make the world a better place. On the other hand, their Bizarro counterpart, Sober Goggles, would bring us one step closer to Utopia.<br /><br />Undeniably, drunk driving causes immeasurable heartache and strife. What if it was possible to make all drivers on the road sober? Obviously, the world will never rid itself of alcohol (nor should it), so I would like to do the next most effective thing.<br /><br />Imagine, a bunch of guys tossing back round after round, not a DD or cab in sight. No worries, the wheelman tosses on his sober goggles when it's closing time, and suddenly feels as salient as ever. He calmly drives home perfectly, pulls into his driveway and everyone gets home safely and soundly. Of course, as soon as he's home, he takes off the goggles and passes out in the lawn, but it's his lawn, damnit!<br /><br />There are a couple obvious drawbacks. The first is that since drunkards will be the ones using this life-saving product, it's easy to imagine them driving off with the goggles still residing in the glove box. The other is the technology doesn't exist...yet. Regardless, this is one of my favorite ideas which will never come to be.<br /><br /><strong>Rotating Wallpaper</strong><br /><br />True story: A couple years back, I was lying in bed, in an even darker place mentally than I usually reside. As I glanced around at the bare walls surrounding me, I decided I needed a change of scenery. I realize how gay this sounds, but one man can only drink so much and grow so much facial hair to change pace. I made a trip to Home Depot, gathered a bunch of supplies, and spent the next two days painting my room. When I was done, I realized a couple things. First, I was happy with the change. Second, painting is a huge pain in the ass. <br /><br />Picture this, friends. You find yourself in a sullen state of mind. You decide you would like your surroundings to change so that your disposition changes somewhat also. Paint? Nope. Click the button on your wallmote, and underneath a film of plexiglass, your green walls shift to blue. Think the rotation on a belt sander. It would be the same motion, with four patterns on a loop. Possible? Probably not, but one of my favorite ideas nonetheless.<br /><br /><strong>Antiperspirant for Mens' Nether-regions (Mantiperspirant)</strong><br /><br />Everyone other than hippies understands the importance and relevance of antiperspirant/deodorant for underarms. However, there is another region of the man's body which doesn't catch much air and gets considerably warm.<br /><br />I wear khakis and slacks into work everyday, and the fabric is unforgiving. There is no airflow whatsoever, so things tend to get ripe and uncomfortable over the course of 8 hours. If there was a product to rememdy this awful ailment, I would be all over it. I realize this product isn't a real pleasant one to think about, but as an avid TV watcher, I am bombarded by disgusting women's hygeine product ads constantly. There is no way Mantiperspirant is any worse than all of that nonsense.<br /><br />Alright friends, that's it for now. It feels good to be back, and I'll hopefully be updating slightly more often from now on.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-7238240295105419996?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-62516426537366303522010-06-17T01:25:00.000-07:002010-06-17T13:12:59.089-07:002010-06-17T13:12:59.089-07:00Liar, LiarThis post is a little different than most. The majority of what I've done on here has been structured "comedy". This one is more of my thoughts spilling out of my bulbous head and onto the page. When I'm sitting around by myself working all night, my mind wanders into really random places. This post is a love child of my boredom and random thoughts. One strange thought that floated through my brain tonight was this: I lie a lot.<br /><br />Now, I generally regard myself to be a good person, but I'm certainly no Honest Abe either. I am by no means malicious with my lies. I don't mislead people to hurt them. I just tend to lie about the stupidest things. Mostly just when I'm answering questions like "How are you doing,", "What are you plans for the night/weekend,", "Do these pants make me look fat?" (No, your body does, but I'm not mean enough to say so.), stuff like that. I'm not saying I never answer these questions truthfully, but sometimes I say nay. I think it's because I don't like to pull the curtain back completely on my life. My life is extremely boring of course, but I've always been private by nature. I don't have any interesting skeletons in my closet (as far as you know), but I'm not a complete open book the way some people are. <br /><br />So far, we haven't touched on anything overly Earth-shattering (or arguably, interesting) yet. Everyone tells little white lies. (Quick tangent: why are they called "little white lies"? Is it a euphamism suggesting that larger lies are darker and more dangerous, thus making the smaller ones "white". Anyway, I digress). <br /><br />Thinking about my own lies made me think of something scary: If decent people like you and I lie a lot, what of the less scupulous sorts? Do they ever tell the truth? How do they live with themselves?<br /><br />I once almost started dating a girl a few years back. We hung out for a few weeks, and then I found out through her friends that she was a few months pregnant with some other creep's child. When I pressed her about it, she claimed that she had been pregnant, but miscarried before we started hanging out. NOT TRUE! She absolutely was still knocked up. Not only that, but she had miscarried a year prior. She was 19 and had been knocked up multiple times in the same calendar year!!! Once I told her I knew with certainty that she had been lying, she turned the tables on me for going behind her back! This wasn't even true as I stumbled across the info accidentally, but whatever. Exclamation points!<br /><br />Say we had started dating. What was she going to do when she started to show? Claim it was mine? I may not be well-versed on pregnancy, but the timing of the progression would have been a few months off. I'm sharp enough to pick up on that at some point. Just stop talking to me? Maybe, but then what was the point to begin with?<br /><br />Ultimately, it worked out in my favor, as she sucked regardless of being with child. That's not the point though. The point is, how can people like that live with themselves, and how many webs of lies do they weave on a daily basis?<br /><br />The lessons we have learned today are the following: Feel free to lie, but only if it is something that doesn't matter, and if you're pregnant, own up to it. Anywho, this post has been long, disjointed, and pointless, so I'm going to put it to bed, something I am looking forward to doing to myself as soon as this shift ends.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-6251642653736630352?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-55748484156524080232010-06-12T16:20:00.000-07:002010-06-12T17:05:54.588-07:002010-06-12T17:05:54.588-07:00ShefkusThe <a href="http://twitpic.com/1vuflg">Pavano 'stache</a>.<br />A gift from the skies above;<br />Lip hair from heaven.<br /><br />A weather report:<br />Duluth cold as usual;<br />Balls inside torso.<br /><br />World Cup has started.<br />Sportsmanship rules the tourney;<br />Ties for everyone!<br /><br />You can't buy happiness.<br />Money can get jet skis though.<br />Close enough I'd say.<br /><br />Hoverboards <a href="http://inventorspot.com/articles/sport_equipment_future_hoverboard_42897">now real</a>?<br />Fire up the Delorean!<br />Biff is still a dick.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-5574848415652408023?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-10587161331701473362010-05-15T03:19:00.000-07:002010-05-15T03:45:17.543-07:002010-05-15T03:45:17.543-07:00Tomservations 1I notice things, as most are wont to do, and I feel obligated to share some of these observations:<br /><br />My favorite answer to the question "How's it going?" is "I can't complain!" even though I could complain about literally thousands of different things at any given moment (and clearly often do, as this blog post illustrates beautifully).<br /><br />You never can fully appreciate how well Ibuprofen works until you have to deal with a splitting headache all day without it.<br /><br />75% of drivers on the road today interpret "Yield" signs as "This sign doesn't fucking exist" signs and blow right through the intersection. In a cruel twist of fate, this often forces drivers on the non-yielding road to yield.<br /><br />I get cravings for a specific type of food a lot. Many times I go get/make this food because of it, but it has never tasted as good in reality as it does in my head beforehand. Part of this is absolutely because I'm the one making it, but still.<br /><br />I'm not sure that the idiom "Beer before liquor, you're going to be sicker," is true, but "4 pregame beers before a couple shots before 2 more beers before 2 different mixed drinks before 2 more beers before a shot before half of a meat and potato burrito before a nightcap at the house before bed, you're going to be sicker," is true 100% of the time.<br /><br />Writing a post about random observations is great when you can't think of anything creative to write about.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-1058716133170147336?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-59915078550802328232010-05-12T21:32:00.000-07:002010-05-15T03:46:29.817-07:002010-05-15T03:46:29.817-07:00The Beer Index, Volume 2It's baaaaaack, and so am I! (Pausing to allow for the raucous cheering to die down)...Alright, let's do it!<br /><br /><strong>Summer Beer</strong><br /><br />Be it a barbeque, ballgame, or bonfire, beer and summer go together <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOLaTxa0cm8">like lamb and tuna fish.</a> With so many choices, which suds mesh best with summer?<br /><br />Best Bet: Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy. I have discovered that if lemonade is mixed with virtually anything else, I'm in. Arnold Palmers and Jeremiah Weed with lemonade are crazy delicious, as is Summer Shandy. Beer and lemonade seems like an odd combo, but after I was introduced to a "Hop, Skip and Get Naked" (light beer, lemonade and a shot of vodka), I was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19rC-Fl-KwM">hooked for life</a>. It's great in the bottle and even better on tap where available.<br /><br />Others Worth Considering: Sam Adams Summer Ale, Honey Moon, a pitcher of anything light and cheap<br /><br />Stay-a-ways: Anything dark. It must be noted that I love pale ales and various other dark beers. The summer just isn't the right time for them. When I'm hibernating in the winter, I'm a stationary drunk, but in the summer I'm a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wABxx_5ASGU">drunk on the go</a>! I can't have my beer slowing me down.<br /><br /><strong>Celebratory Beer</strong><br /><br />Whether it be an engagement, birthday, or <a href="http://files.fraterslibertas.com/Images/Sports/Torii.jpg">division championship</a>, celebrations tend to include drinks on some level. Should you celebrate with champagne? Probably, but I'm on a budget, asshole.<br /><br />Best Bet: Stella Artois. It's not champagne, but it's as close as you can get with beer. It's bubbly, delicious and is even served in a <a href="http://www.beersignstore.com/bsspics/Stella_Artois_Glasses.gif">sweet glass</a>. I'm still not positive how to pronounce it, but I do know I like to drink it.<br /><br />Others Worth Considering: Fat Tire, Grolsch, any variety of lambic (expensive but delicious)<br /><br />Stay-a-ways: Anything overly cheap. Live a little for once!<br /><br /><strong>Beer Pong Beer</strong><br /><br />As an ultra-competitive person, I have always loved sports. However, high school ended years ago, and I can't do intramurals anymore now that I have graduated college, so I have to channel my zeal for competition into other areas. Bowling, slow-pitch softball and beer pong have filled that void. Beer pong is <a href="http://www.bpong.com/wsobp">bigger than ever before</a>, but what is the best choice to chug when your opponents are pwning you, n00b?<br /><br />Best Bet: Miller High Life. It's my personal choice when it comes to bottom shelf beers. It's affordable, easy to drink quickly, and cheap. That's really all you need for gaming beer.<br /><br />Others Worth Considering: Keystone Light, PBR<br /><br />Stay-a-ways: The Beast, Icehouse. Yeah, be cheap, but have some standards, man! Spend the extra 2 bucks for something that doesn't taste like it was brewed in a shoe.<br /><br />That will do it for the Beer Index, Volume 2. Volume 3 will come...eventually. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3maABIVvE2g">Ya'll come back now, ya hear!</a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-5991507855080232823?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-72219762430271721532010-04-23T09:36:00.000-07:002010-04-23T21:09:13.301-07:002010-04-23T21:09:13.301-07:00My Top Ten Favorite Music Videos, Part Two<strong>5. Usher, "Yeah!"</strong><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NiXbRBS5Z58&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NiXbRBS5Z58&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />My longtime, unrequited man-love for Usher is well known, so this should come as no surprise. It is his best video in my opinion, I always get a kick out of Ludacris calling him "Ursher" because it sounds so dumb, and more Lil Jon is always a plus. Speaking of Lil Jon, <a href="http://img128.imageshack.us/i/liljohnhighschoolpic.jpg/">check out his high school grad pic</a> if you feel like taking a ride in a ROFLcopter.<br /><br /><strong>4. Britney Spears, "Oops, I Did it Again"; Christina Aguilera, "Dirrty" (tie)</strong><br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CduA0TULnow&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CduA0TULnow&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1FvJDibu9e0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1FvJDibu9e0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Yes, having a tie is cheating and turns a Top Ten list into 11. It's my blog though, so I don't care. Both of these videos "touched" me in just the right way when they came out. When "Oops" came out, I thought Britney was the most perfect specimen I had ever seen. Clearly, she's had some <a href="http://mayorettes.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/brit-umbrella.jpg">hard times since</a>, but it's nice to know that she can still dust off the Cheetos powder and <a href="http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/5600000/womanizer-britney-spears-5649951-539-298.jpg">look good</a> when she feels like it.<br /><br />Then, "Dirrty" came along a few years later. I was ready for a bad girl to come into my life (Virtually, of course. I did even worse with the ladies in high school than I do now, believe it or not.), and X-tina fit the bill. I actually like the song, too. Finally, it's nice to see Redman again, may he rest in peace. Wait, he's still alive? For sure? Hmm, who knew?<br /><br /><strong>3. Kanye West ft. T-Pain, "Good Life"</strong><br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FEKEjpTzB0Q&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FEKEjpTzB0Q&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />If this was my favorite songs of all time, this would be number one. Alas, it will have to settle for number three. The song samples keys from Michael Jackson's "P.Y.T.", so all of the MJ references in the video are really cool. The other great part is whoever that girl is, she looks like an extremely fun carnival ride.<br /><br />As an aside, life is rough when two of your favorite artists are Kanye and Chris Brown. I tell people that, and they stare at me as if I just called their mother a whore. It's not my fault they've done really stupid things, and it's not my fault they make great music. I will now hop off of my soapbox and finish up this countdown.<br /><br /><strong>2. Tom Cochrane, "Life is a Highway"</strong><br /><br /><em>Note: I can't embed this one due to request, so I will have to just link it <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg9mDGReM0U&feature=related">here</a>.</em><br /><br />Everything about this song and video is awesome: The clothes and LEGO man haircut, the random odd people he meets, and the fact that it's a really good song. Clearly, the best part starts at the 3:16 mark though. When Cochrane whips the guitar on his back and does that weird leg shimmy thing, magic happens. As a man who can't dance whatsoever, even I can say it's brutal. The brutality is what makes it great though, so I am indebted to TC for life.<br /><br /><strong>1. Michael Jackson, "Thriller"</strong><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sOnqjkJTMaA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sOnqjkJTMaA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I realize I don't win any unique points for calling "Thriller" the greatest music video of all time. Whatever though, just because it's not original doesn't make it wrong. This video was way ahead of its time, the song is awesome, and the story is actually interesting. Truth be told, I could have made half of this list MJ videos, but that wouldn't be any fun. The man lived a truly strange life, but he was supremely gifted and earned his place in history.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-7221976243027172153?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-13599732428958812482010-04-22T17:56:00.000-07:002010-04-23T21:07:55.094-07:002010-04-23T21:07:55.094-07:00My Top Ten Favorite Music Videos, Part OneEver since <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTT3-vA25Zk">video murdered radio stars in cold blood</a>, music videos have been an integral part of the music scene. They probably aren't as big as they were in the TRL days, or when "Music Television" actually played music, but they are still an important part of virtually every hit song. I am about to unveil my favorite ten videos of all-time. I have no discernable musical talent, nor have I been alive for the entire history of music videos, but hey, I know what I like.<br /><br />Something important to keep in mind about this list is that it isn't my top ten favorite songs. Some of these songs are God-awful, but I have a method to my madness. Also, it's a bit long, so I chopped it into two parts, with Part Two coming tomorrow. Alright, enough <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eisa5AZ20W0">jibber-jabber</a>, let's get it on!<br /><br /><strong>10. Korn, "Freak on a Leash"</strong><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wG7a2YbeDu4&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wG7a2YbeDu4&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />As I recall, "Freak" was the first non-N'Sync/Backstreet Boys video to be #1 on TRL. I drink a lot, so I may be remembering that wrong, but it sounds right to me. Even though the graphics seem pretty run of the mill now, the bullet destroying everything was state of the art at the time. Plus, it serves as a reminder that Korn made good music at one point.<br /><br /><strong>9. N'Sync, "Drive Myself Crazy"</strong><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ikI-4D_1s-c&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ikI-4D_1s-c&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I realize I am putting my manhood on the line by including this, but hear me out. This video came out years before Lance Bass did the same. Watching him pretend to like girls is HI-larious. I am almost certain the "she loves me, she loves me not" move he pulls in it was his idea. In a video where everything is pretty gay, he still stands out (not that there's anything wrong with that). Oh, and seeing Timberlake with the bleached hair is always entertaining.<br /><br /><strong>8. Justin Timberlake, "Cry Me a River"</strong><br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DksSPZTZES0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DksSPZTZES0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />Back to back Timberlake! Anyway, this makes it because it is the anthem for any dude who has dated or, God-forbid, has been married to an unscrupulous woman. Guys always get a bad rap when it comes to relationships, but girls can suck pretty hard too, mostly because they are evil. Alright, time to recapture my masculinity.<br /><br /><strong>7. Chris Brown, "Gimme That"</strong><br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3yl-5FOZcr0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3yl-5FOZcr0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object><br /><br />Before the horrible incident with Rihanna, Chris Brown was pegged to be the next Michael Jackson. He clearly has <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va-utCWqUks">all the talent in the world</a>, but it's almost impossible to believe he will ever be quite that popular again. Alright, enough with the serious stuff.<br /><br /><strong>6. Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys, "Empire State of Mind"</strong><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/0UjsXo9l6I8&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/0UjsXo9l6I8&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Even though it's pretty overplayed, "Empire" is NYC's new anthem. The video almost makes me feel like I'm there, possibly getting mugged. Plus, like Jay, I will also be 'hood forever, so it seemed like a natural choice. Sure, Alicia Keys has looked <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ABSwwau7C8">much hotter</a>, but who wants to pick nits?<br /><br />So that does it for Part One. I shall return with Part Two. Until then, watch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlgYQwf1Pug">this</a>. (Thanks for the heads-up, Tosh.0)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-1359973242895881248?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-13761288406276053772010-04-17T23:10:00.000-07:002010-04-23T20:04:08.799-07:002010-04-23T20:04:08.799-07:00Target Field!My buddies and I went to a Twins game at Target Field for the first time this weekend. The place is absolutely amazing. Our seats weren't the greatest. We sat in the Right Field bleachers right behind the foul pole. It is definite home run territory, so they are great for the most part. The problem is, the seats in Right Center that stick up and out block a good portion of Center Field from the Right Field bleachers' view. The thing is though, it didn't even matter. The experience of being there was so unbelievable I hardly even cared that I couldn't see deep center and right. The difference between the new park at watching a game at the Dome can't even be calculated. the views, the scoreboard and Handshake sign, the food options...it barely even seems like the same sport. Anywho, here's some photographic evidence of our visit:<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qlgNXHV7I/AAAAAAAAAA0/25NZhwMFTwc/s1600/DSCN0577.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qlgNXHV7I/AAAAAAAAAA0/25NZhwMFTwc/s400/DSCN0577.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461359470901155762" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qmON_POiI/AAAAAAAAAA8/D73ChRdv0bY/s1600/DSCN0575.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qmON_POiI/AAAAAAAAAA8/D73ChRdv0bY/s400/DSCN0575.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461360261343427106" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qmtQz20PI/AAAAAAAAABE/8BMqcOgiVqU/s1600/DSCN0576.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qmtQz20PI/AAAAAAAAABE/8BMqcOgiVqU/s400/DSCN0576.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461360794676941042" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qnJ1uPYtI/AAAAAAAAABM/BHDJyESCl0M/s1600/DSCN0578.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qnJ1uPYtI/AAAAAAAAABM/BHDJyESCl0M/s400/DSCN0578.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461361285621834450" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qn9dEeIoI/AAAAAAAAABU/N0UrF3Ivxb4/s1600/DSCN0579.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qn9dEeIoI/AAAAAAAAABU/N0UrF3Ivxb4/s400/DSCN0579.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461362172357386882" /></a><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qoc8HG1iI/AAAAAAAAABc/E_PvvRwCwFM/s1600/DSCN0580.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qoc8HG1iI/AAAAAAAAABc/E_PvvRwCwFM/s400/DSCN0580.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461362713265886754" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qo32fU6tI/AAAAAAAAABk/muDNLqT_mxc/s1600/DSCN0581.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qo32fU6tI/AAAAAAAAABk/muDNLqT_mxc/s400/DSCN0581.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461363175613328082" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qpZZmuIHI/AAAAAAAAABs/TTuwgOF0lKY/s1600/DSCN0584.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qpZZmuIHI/AAAAAAAAABs/TTuwgOF0lKY/s400/DSCN0584.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461363751975264370" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qp5Em8Y0I/AAAAAAAAAB0/MpBztc3LsbI/s1600/DSCN0587.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qp5Em8Y0I/AAAAAAAAAB0/MpBztc3LsbI/s400/DSCN0587.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461364296094868290" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qqW5cH95I/AAAAAAAAAB8/oihv9MCvhQM/s1600/DSCN0592.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/S8qqW5cH95I/AAAAAAAAAB8/oihv9MCvhQM/s400/DSCN0592.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5461364808492775314" /></a><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-1376128840627605377?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-62243266455462133682010-04-02T16:14:00.000-07:002010-04-23T21:06:11.881-07:002010-04-23T21:06:11.881-07:00What Facial Hair Says About Its Owner, Part 1Being a guy is great. Not having to worry about giving birth to a child and being able to relieve one's self virtually anywhere are two major examples why it's awesome. However, what's the best part about being a dude, at least in this dude's opinion? <a href="http://www.rejectedjokes.com/picture_library/beard2.jpg">Facial hair</a>. Sorry <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=32035936&id=13908596">Mike</a>, it's true. Personally, while I am lacking in top of the head hair growing ability, I have <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=57499772&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=13908596&id=13908596">mad</a> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=60338263&id=13908596">facial hair</a> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=60338263&id=13908596#!/photo.php?pid=49017245&op=5&o=global&view=global&subj=13908596&id=13908596">skillz</a>.<br /><br />The options for facial hair are <a href="http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/Starburns">virtually endless</a>. The question is, what does a man's face fuzz say about the content of his character? Let's get to it.<br /><br /><strong>A Big, Grizzly Beard</strong><br /><br />You've never met a razor you like. You may have designs on being a <a href="http://www.dfwfunnybusiness.com/images/christmas_pics/santa_mack/santa_mack_head.jpg">mall Santa</a> at some point. You may be a <a href="http://www.cyclelikethesedins.com/images/stories/lumberjack.jpg">lumberjack</a>. Homeless? <a href="http://i123.photobucket.com/albums/o318/Jagdengel/homeless.jpg">Possibly</a>. Lazy? <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=48899730&id=13908596">Definitely</a>.<br /><br /><strong>Selleck 'stache</strong><br /><br />You are: A. <a href="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e363/CMontoya82/911-714735.jpg">In law enforcement</a>. B. <a href="http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.dubyad40.com/images/cclyde.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.dubyad40.com/html/clyde/2004/05/views-from-nascar-liberal.html&usg=__CBIQjGT0-DijdVO04Buzi6PsWbk=&h=1057&w=913&sz=240&hl=en&start=67&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=y_0hMWHeO7OxoM:&tbnh=150&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dnascar%2Bfan%26start%3D63%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26ndsp%3D21%26tbs%3Disch:1">Really into NASCAR</a>. C. <a href="http://www.as220.org/front/2009/09/08/Village%2BPeople%2B538840653_452839dd1c_o.jpg">Gay</a>.<br /><br /><strong>Sick Sideburns</strong><br /><br />You enjoy facial hair, but maybe you're <a href="http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f0/Sideburns.jpg&imgrefurl=http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sideburns.jpg&usg=__P29kBRxv6EKMSOXMMSmLgGB4QLc=&h=657&w=562&sz=85&hl=en&start=16&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=ulJQDP4oj1SaIM:&tbnh=138&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dsideburns%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26sa%3DN%26ndsp%3D21%26tbs%3Disch:1">not all in</a>. Maybe "the Man" tells you that's all the <a href="http://www.hji.co.uk/hjimages/images/qhs142/hji/medium/1969-men-sideburns.jpg">facial hair you're allowed</a>. Or maybe you are a <a href="http://blog.epromos.com/archives/mauer-sideburns.jpg">legend</a>. No matter the situation, sideburns are a great warm-up for the facial hair big leagues.<br /><br /><strong>Handlebars and Fu Manchus</strong><br /><br />You like <a href="http://media.gamerevolution.com/images/misc/image/handlebar-moustache.jpg">attention</a>. There is a high probability you are a <a href="http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/rollie-fingers.jpg">Hall of Fame pitcher</a> <a href="http://dailyskew.com/bestofskew/42_goose.jpg">with an odd name</a>. Or you're just <a href="http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=13908596#!/photo.php?pid=49017245&op=5&o=global&view=global&subj=13908596&id=13908596">an idiot</a>.<br /><br />...and that does it for our first foray into the land of facial hair! We shall return again soon.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-6224326645546213368?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-91269754073604123832010-03-27T13:14:00.000-07:002010-03-27T16:12:02.352-07:002010-03-27T16:12:02.352-07:00The Beer Index, Volume 1They say you should write about what you know, and that's exactly what I am going to do. I present to you the Beer Index, Volume 1.<br /><br /><strong>Chilling and Watching the Game Beer</strong><br /><p>You're just hanging with the guys, watching the game and enjoying a few brews. There's no need to blow out your wallet. At the same time, you aren't smashed, so your taste buds are still fully functional. The question is, which beer perfectly compliments pigskin?</p><ul><li>Best Bet: Miller Lite. Lite tastes good, goes down smooth, and won't staple you to the couch. It is the perfect marriage of frugality and taste.</li><li>Others Worth Considering: Whatever seasonal beers are about to expire and are currently on clearance. Good beer for cheap? Don't mind if I do!</li><li>Stay-a-ways: Anything that will get you too drunk too fast. There's nothing wrong with having a nice buzz going during the game, but what's the point in watching it if you'll barely remember seeing it the next day?</li></ul><p><strong>Shower Beer</strong></p><p>Shower beers are wildly underrated. Allow me to paint a picture for you: It's Saturday night, and you are getting ready to paint the town whatever color you choose. You realize you smell like ass, so you decide you better take a shower. But wait! You're cheap as hell, so you were planning on doing some <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">pre</span>-gaming before you head out. Time is of the essence, so which should you choose? Both! The combination of hot water descending over your body while you drink a cold one is positively heavenly. The only question is which beer should you allow to see you naked?</p><ul><li>Best Bet: Coors Original. I make fun of the "Cold-Activated" blue mountains on the cans as much as anyone, but in the shower they actually serve a purpose. Just chugging one while you lather up doesn't allow you to savor your shower beer. At the same time, you don't want to have to slam half a warm beer at the tail end of your shower. Condensation makes it deceptively difficult to gauge the temperature of your suds while you're sudsy. The mountains act as a 2-minute warning to drop your <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">loofa</span> and drink up before it's too late. Go with Original over Light though. You will have a banquet...with yourself...in the shower! Excellent!</li><li>Others Worth Considering: Anything in a can you can drink relatively quickly if need be.</li><li>Stay-a-ways: Anything in a bottle. Your shower buddy is going to be chilling on the floor while you shampoo up, so if you foolhardily kick it over and it's a bottle, your dream shower could turn into a shard-filled nightmare.</li></ul><p><strong><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Girly</span> Drinks for Men</strong></p><p>Maybe you're a dude who just doesn't have a taste for beer (in which case, I don't understand you or your kind, but I'll do my best to help you out). Or more acceptably, maybe you just want something sweet and alcohol-y on a hot summer day. Whatever the case, the land of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">girly</span> drinks is a dangerous terrain for any self-respecting man to traverse. I hesitated to include this section, but it could be of some use, and these drinks do say "Beer" on the label. (Seriously. It's in fine print. I know, I was surprised too. Now you have a fun fact to share at your next cocktail party.) If you do in fact decide to go down this road, which one says, "I'm a man who likes women AND sweet colorful beverages! Don't judge me!"?</p><ul><li>Original Mike's Hard Lemonade: Everyone who loves America and freedom loves lemonade. Plus, it's not overly sweet or overly gay. </li><li>Others Worth Considering: Smirnoff Ice, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Skyy</span> Malt beverages (If they even make them anymore. I honestly have no idea.)</li><li>Stay-a-ways: Any and all of them if you are in a public setting trying to get laid.</li></ul><p><strong>Drinking by Yourself in a Dark Room Beer</strong></p><p>Don't do it, you sad sack of shit! You're better than this. Put down the beer and pick up the phone! We are all worried about you.</p><p>Thus concludes the Beer Index, Vol. 1. I shall return with Volume 2 whenever the hell I feel like it. Thank you.</p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-9126975407360412383?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-38926511452473005452009-12-04T20:04:00.000-08:002009-12-04T20:24:36.324-08:002009-12-04T20:24:36.324-08:00Fantasy Football: Destroying (My) Friendships and (My) Phones Since 2005What a stupid game. A stupid, stupid game. A game where all you do is pick a list of 10 players to "start" for your "team" each weekend, then leave everything to the fantasy football gods or whatever other deities you believe control these sorts of things. Even though you only have control of the roster you build and zero control over the injuries and failures of the players on said team, you blame yourself for losses. These losses, by the way, are invariably more painful than your victories are joyous. The perfect example happened in Week 8 this year. My game against my buddy all came down to the Monday Night game between the Saints and the Falcons. Facing near certain loss, two of my guys (Drew Brees and Pierre Thomas) combined for a TD, vaulting me improbably into the lead. Almost as soon as this happened, the Saints D, whom my buddy employed that week, picked off Matt Ryan to snatch the victory right from under my nose. Seconds later, my phone was flung 15 feet into the wall across the living room. May it rest in peace.<br /><br />I have been the early 1990s Buffalo Bills of this league as of late. I have made the four team playoffs in our 10 team league each of the last three seasons. I have finished second, fourth, second. Even last season, when my team ripped off 10 consecutive wins to steamroll to the championship game, I lost by 20 when it mattered most. Second place finishes (and money) is alright, but not what I'm looking for.<br /><br />So why would I play if it puts me through so much misery? It's because I love competition, for one. Why just sit around and watch football when you can gamble on it in multiple forms and beat your friends in the process? Also, it makes every game that affects your team interesting. I can sit through a Lions-Rams game as long as I started Kevin Smith that week. Finally, the victories are sweet, even if the emotion isn't as strong as the one created from a tough loss. So yes, fantasy football drives me crazy and I hate it...<br /><br />...but I love it, too.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-3892651145247300545?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-75283164433659991402009-08-10T23:20:00.000-07:002009-08-10T23:23:24.035-07:002009-08-10T23:23:24.035-07:00The Manamid<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/SoEN-eddodI/AAAAAAAAAAU/we4bF78xwCY/s1600-h/manamid.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5368587597782032850" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 315px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_yEm6NAmUL-Y/SoEN-eddodI/AAAAAAAAAAU/we4bF78xwCY/s400/manamid.jpg" border="0" /></a> I daresay this holds up as one of the finest people-stacking feats in the history of mankind.<br /><div></div><br /><div></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-7528316443365999140?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-36546750673975923092009-08-07T22:34:00.000-07:002009-08-07T22:36:44.412-07:002009-08-07T22:36:44.412-07:00EquationsEven though I have an Economics degree, I don’t particularly care for math most of the time. However, after doing some deep thinking, I have decided my life is pretty well described by a series of equations. Enjoy.<br /><br />18-20 year old Women = My Kryptonite = A Bad Idea Every Time<br /><br />Love of Sports + Severe Self-loathing = My Reason for Playing Golf for 10+ years<br /><br />Alcohol + Questionable Women – Any Sense of Inhibition = Me Wearing the Bad Idea Jeans for the Evening<br /><br />Streak for the Cash = Bane of My Existence<br /><br />Ability to Grow Solid Facial Hair + Love of Comedy = Moustache as part of every Halloween Costume<br /><br />Me Going to Vegas for a Bachelor Party at the End of September = Unbridled Joy<br /><br />More to come in a future installment…<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-3654675067397592309?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-54667584855190305502009-01-30T22:44:00.000-08:002009-01-30T22:48:27.728-08:002009-01-30T22:48:27.728-08:00Anything and Everything you Need to Know for Super Bowl XLIIIWith another Super Bowl just around the corner, it is time for someone to do a full-fledged preview. Considering the fact that I could name all of the Super Bowl champions from 1990 on, in order, off the top of my head (I wonder why I’m single?); I believe I am the man for the job. Seriously, Steve Sabol is like my second father. Here are the major storylines:<br /><br />1. Kurt Warner is back in the Super Bowl. After looking awful in New York and backing up for awhile in ‘Zona, he now looks like vintage Warner again. Praise Jesus! I’m thinking Matt Leinart doesn’t mind this whole backup thing. He still gets paid, and has much more free time to do keg stands and hang out with Nick Lachey. It’s probably for the best that the game is in Tampa instead of Miami. If Matt was let loose on South Beach, he would wake up on a pile of strippers in Havana, with no recollection of the previous night’s events.<br /><br />2. Kurt Warner’s wife is back in the Super Bowl. Yikes. At least she grew her hair out. I was scarred for life when ABC showed Brenda Warner in the stands roughly 5000 times during Super Bowl XXXIV. It was cruel and unusual.<br /><br />3. Mike Tomlin and his awesome press conferences are going to the Super Bowl! Seriously, every time I hear that guy talk, I want to run through a wall for him. That’s impressive, considering not only am I not one of his players, I don’t even root for his team. He’s that good. I am a Vikings fan, and he was our Defensive Coordinator. Now the Steelers have him, and the Vikings are stuck with the immortal Brad Childress as their fearless leader. The only positive about Childress is he has a sweet moustache. I hate my life.<br /><br />4. Anquan Boldin and Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley got into a shouting match on the sidelines during the NFC Championship, and Boldin allegedly didn’t even celebrate with his teammates after the game. Both camps say it’s nothing and will not be a distraction. ‘Quan has had quite the season. He requested a trade, had his face broken, now this. At this point, he could decide to play the Super Bowl naked or give up football to take up professional fly fishing and I wouldn’t even be surprised anymore.<br /><br />5. Edgerrin James was left for dead for the majority of the regular season. Arizona officials chose to close the retractable roof on University of Phoenix Stadium for all home games for fear of vultures slowly circling over Edge on the sidelines. However, since he only averaged 8 more carries per game than I did during the regular season, he is fresh and suddenly looks like the Edge of old instead of Old Edge. By the way, if you think I’m not bitter that Edge and Willis McGahee looked great in the playoffs after murdering the #2 running back spot on my fantasy team this season… you just don’t know me very well.<br /><br />6. Ben Roethlisberger had quite possibly the worst performance ever by a Super Bowl winning quarterback against the Seahawks in SBXL. Considering the fact that the referees were using Terrible Towels for penalty flags in that game (you can’t say I’m not here for you, Seattle fans), I think Big Ben will have to play better this time around to get another ring.<br /><br />7. Larry Fitzgerald is a beast. This should be an interesting match-up for him since Troy Polamalu is the best safety in the league this side of Ed Reed. The other reason this is an interesting face-off is that Fitzgerald plays for the Cardinals, and Polamalu has a family of cardinals nesting in his hair. I’m tingling with excitement just thinking about the possibilities for those two.<br /><br />8. After exhaustive personal research (I am very dedicated to my craft), I have discovered two things. The Cardinals have a phenomenal cheerleading squad. I would give five years off of the backend of my life to have a special, sensual evening with any of them. If I did have such an evening with one, I would even let her spend the night and make her bacon and eggs the next morning. They’re that great. Meanwhile, the Steelers don’t have cheerleaders. Allow me to repeat: THE STEELERS DON’T HAVE CHEERLEADERS!!! How does this happen? Roger Goodell cracking down on criminals masquerading as players is all well and good, but he needs to get working on this cheerleader situation, post-taste. It should be absolutely mandatory that all teams have cheerleading squads, to lift the fans, um, spirits.<br /><br />In conclusion, I am hoping for and expecting a very exciting Super Bowl. One of the best offenses in the league is going against one of the best defenses around. The immovable force versus the unstoppable object. A complete clash of styles. The…actually, I’m out of clichés at the moment. Anyway, the prediction: Cardinals 24, Steelers 17.<br /><br />(Like you really expected me to pick the team without cheerleaders)<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-5466758485519030550?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-60800289775654303472009-01-30T22:37:00.000-08:002009-01-30T22:43:10.720-08:002009-01-30T22:43:10.720-08:00NFC ChampionshipI meant to post this Sunday, but never got around to it. Anyway, these are the randon thoughts I had during the Cardinals-Eagles game. There is no rhyme or reason, and definitely no flow (not that my other posts have a lot of flow either). Without furter adieu, the NFC Championship, through my mesmerisizing blue eyes:<br /><br /><strong>1st Quarter</strong><br /><br />It would have been great if the Cards rediscovered Edge before he severely damaged the Phyllis Brunos, my main fantasy squad this year (named after Mike’s lovely mother). He and Willis McGahee ripped their “destroy Tom’s RB corps” method right out of Jamal Lewis’ 2005 playbook.<br /><br />Larry Fitzgerald is an absolute beast.<br /><br />Watching the Cards host the NFC Championship Game, I feel like I should be wearing a tinfoil hat or something. The sky is most definitely falling.<br /><br />The old interception, fumbled back to the offense on the return. It happens ALL the time. I guess that’s why defensive players play D. That and a lot of them are shorter than most NFL receivers and have hands like feet. Anyway, Arizona dodged a bullet on that one.<br /><br /><strong>2nd Quarter</strong><br /><br />The old pitch to the RB, throw back to the QB, bomb to WR, for the TD! A modified flea-flicker. I wonder if Walter Camp envisioned that one when he invented football. 14-3 ‘Zona.<br /><br />Kevin Curtis is the fastest guy who looks like a ‘70s porn star I’ve ever seen.<br /><br />Eagles settle for another FG, 14-6. For a team that has been winning as much as them lately, they really don’t finish drives well. I am convinced the Vikings would have beaten them if they had a better coach and if Jackson and the O-Line hadn’t imploded. Philly really needs to get a stop, or the Cards might run away with this one.<br /><br />Arizona just cruised right down the field, ending with Fitz catching his third TD of the half. 21-6. Unbelievable. Andy Reid’s playoff beard is morphing into an offseason beard before our eyes.<br /><br />Arizona just got boned over on a kickoff play. They recovered their own kick, but the officials (incorrectly) said it touched out of bounds, and the play is not reviewable. There’s nothing worse than clearly blown calls which are not reviewable (Ed Hochuli nods his head solemnly).<br /><br />The Eagles just got another unnecessary roughness penalty. They are committing season suicide in this game.Quinton Mikell just proved my hands like feet statement from before. Thank you Quinton, I owe you a Coke.<br /><br />Neil Rackers banged through a 49 yard field goal to end the half, 24-6 Arizona at the break. Philly’s really on the ropes going into the second half.<br /><br /><strong>3rd Quarter</strong><br /><br />I really thought Philly had to come out and score on the first possession of the second half. Instead, McNabb got sacked and fumbled, with the Cardinals recovering in Eagles territory. This game is turning into a whitewash (Or would it be a redwash? Whatever). This game could get ugly.<br /><br />Philly just forced a 3 and out and will get the ball back. Don’t break out the embalming fluid just yet.<br /><br />Kevin “All Night” Curtis just caught a bomb on 3rd and 19 to keep their drive alive! Great pass and catch. The Eagles still have a pulse.<br /><br />McNabb to Brett Celek for a touchdown. 24-13, Cards. This game might get interesting yet.<br /><br />Arizona ran 3 plays, lost 5 yards and only used up 14 seconds. They have 1 yard for the whole quarter, and have to punt it away. It looks like they finally remembered they are the Cardinals.<br /><br />Celek scored another TD, but then Andy Reid elected to attempt an extra point instead of going for 2, which could have cut the lead to 3. Inexplicably, David Akers missed the extra point. Yeah, it wasn’t a perfect hold (Laces out, Marino!), but he has to make that kick. Earlier, he had a kickoff go out of bounds, giving the Cards the ball at the 40. Akers hasn’t been the same all season. Clearly, shaving off his moustache was a terrible mistake. 24-19, Cards.<br /><br /><strong>4th Quarter</strong><br /><br />McNabb just unloaded a 62 yard bomb to DeSean Jackson for a touchdown! They didn’t get the 2 point conversion, but as Joe Buck just told us, they are in the lead for the first time today, 25-24. What a comeback! This half, Arizona looks shakier than a naked guy standing on a block of ice.<br /><br />On 4th and inches at the 50, Arizona ran a sweep with Tim Hightower and picked it up. Huge play. This has been one hell of an exciting game.Screen pass to Hightower for a touchdown, then a 2 point pass to some guy named Benjamin Patrick. 32-25 Cards! The Eagles have just under 3 minutes to answer. Eagles fans are desperately trying to block out the memory of the end of Super Bowl XXXIX as I type.<br /><br />2 minute warning, 4th and 10 coming up for the Eagles right around midfield…and All Night just dropped a 15 yard throw! He might have been interfered with, but he still could have had it. Arizona might be on their way to the Super Bowl! This actually gives me a little hope as a Vikings fan (but only a little, mind you).<br /><br />The Eagles couldn’t pull off a miracle on a lateral play, and the Arizona Cardinals are Super Bowl bound. This just goes to show that all that matters is getting into the playoffs, and then anything can happen. They looked horrendous at the end of the regular season but got red-hot at the right time. That was a great game. I would do this for the AFC Championship also (which should be a bloodbath), but this is too long already. See ya next time.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-6080028977565430347?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-38775605702521734702009-01-30T22:33:00.000-08:002009-01-30T22:43:54.037-08:002009-01-30T22:43:54.037-08:00UMD Hockey(This blog won't make much sense to anyone who doesn't follow WCHA hockey. But I do, so I wrote it. Sometimes, I gotta look out for myself, you know?)<br /><br />I was out of town this past weekend due to Matt’s wedding and because of this, did not see or listen to any of the UMD-St. Cloud State series this weekend. The fact that I missed it completely is the only positive thing I can think to say about that series.<br /><br />Coming into this weekend, UMD had won four straight against State. I was there in person when the Bulldogs absolutely drubbed them at the DECC in late November. They completely dominated that game from start to finish. The crowd was lively and the action was good. Also, some drunken Bulldogs fan was leaning over the seat in front of him, his buddy shoved him, and he tumbled two rows down, narrowly avoiding landing on other patrons on his way down. The security guards just laughed it off. It was good times all around.<br /><br />So what the hell happened? How do you get swept by a team that has at least half of their players drunk before the game? A team that fills its water bottles with Icehouse? A team whose players can’t wear mouth guards because their traps are too packed with Skoal? Before I go any further, I should point out that I have a cousin Betsy who is a State alum. She is very talented and successful. The problem is that since she went to SCSU, it kind of handcuffs me. It prevents me from making jokes like…<br />…I wonder if there is any truth to the rumor that State writes their grads’ diplomas on the back of cocktail napkins.<br />…Few State students get MBAs, but plenty leave campus with STDs.<br />…The only requirement for students looking to enroll at State is that they have two arms, two legs, and a face.<br />…and others. I mean, I would love to include jokes like that in this entry, but obviously, I can’t. Such is life. Also, I know that plenty of smart people decide to attend State and it’s probably not fair to make jokes like those, but it’s just too easy (and fun).<br /><br />Anyway, I knew going into the weekend the Bulldogs are a very average team. They are right around .500 in league play this year. A split would not have raised an eyebrow from me. But getting swept? That’s just not good enough. The season is still far from over, and they will have a chance to make a run in the WCHA playoffs. I just hope they start playing better hockey again before then.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-3877560570252173470?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2300179213324446212.post-28145049174581466542009-01-30T21:21:00.000-08:002009-01-30T21:28:47.853-08:002009-01-30T21:28:47.853-08:00The Vikings and Wade PhillipsI started writing blogs about a month ago. However, they were not on this site. Since I don't want to deny any of the smooth wordsmithing from my originals, I am now posting here. I know that the content is not completely fresh, but it's mildly entertaining. I hope you enjoy.<br /><br />First and foremost, I am a huge Minnesota sports fan. HUGE. Even the Timberwolves, despite the fact that watching them play most nights is about as fun as repeatedly performing a root canal on myself. That being said though, my love for the Vikings is stronger than for any of my other teams. I have watched them since I can remember. I am the proud owner of a reversible Cris Carter jersey, with purple on one side and black on the other. (By the way, if CC is denied a Hall of Fame induction for another year, I am going to have an aneurism). The 1998 NFC Championship game is one of the Top 5 worst moments of my whole life. I cried after that game, and I was old enough where a football game shouldn’t have been capable of moving me to tears. I’m only 22 years old, but am already wondering if they will win a Super Bowl in my lifetime (if they don’t move to LA first, that is).<br /><br />Because of all this, today is a great day. The Vikings won the NFC North for the first time ever and are back in the playoffs for the first time since 2004. Incidentally, the last time they were in the playoffs, I was saddled with the worst case of mono I have ever seen or heard of. The mono was accompanied by tonsillitis, so I didn’t eat for 2 weeks and lost 20 pounds. For those who know me, you know that I really don’t have an extra 20 pounds to lose, then or now. I was thinner than Mary-Kate Olsen. Homeless people were giving me cash so I could buy food. I lifted weights and felt like Olive Oyl. You get the idea.<br /><br />I’m not really sure what my expectations are for the Vikings in the playoffs this year. There are some definite red flags. Even though he’s played better since he got back into the line-up, Tarvaris Jackson is still our quarterback. Anytime you get benched in favor of a guy who knocked himself out of a game due to a celebratory head butt, it gives me pause about your chances for ultimate success. Also, the fact that Coach Childress’s clock management skills are shaky at best is troubling. I think if his wife was pregnant and told him her water broke, he would stare blankly at her for 20 seconds, then spend a minute debating whether they should take the Miata or the Taurus to the hospital, then spend 5 minutes trying to find his shoes. He is unbelievably frustrating to watch sometimes. Clearly though, this is the best Vikings team during the Childress era, and probably since 2000. I have no idea what they are going to do in the playoffs. I just know I am excited they have a chance at the Super Bowl. I still have hope, and hope is a powerful thing.<br /><br />The Rant<br />Rooting for the Vikings is unbearably frustrating at times, and Childress certainly is no Lombardi (you won’t be seeing a Childress Trophy any time soon, unless it is presented each year to the man who does the most to attempt to keep the ‘90s moustache alive), but I am so thankful I am not a Cowboys fan right now. Why is Wade Phillips a head coach in the NFL again? Whyyyyyyyyy? How many times does a guy have to fail to get fired? I was shocked when he was hired to be a head coach for the third time. I can imagine the reactions other coaches had when they found the Cowboys hired him in 2007. Norv Turner nodded approvingly. Dick Jauron called Dave Wannstedt to discuss how unconscionable the hire was, as well as to discuss how sweet Wanny’s moustache is. Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure Phillips is a fine man, and he is a good defensive coordinator. But he needs to be fired. Being a nice guy isn’t enough. I’m a nice guy, too, but I shouldn’t be named the CEO of the Hilton Corporation just because I have front desk experience at a couple hotels. If I was an accountant, and screwed up the books at two other companies, getting one investigated for fraud, Ernst and Young wouldn’t hire me over qualified accountants, would they? The coaching selection process has always baffled me. I’m pretty sure the reason guys like Phillips get hired is that owners are too scared to hire a no-name, and bring in someone they’ve heard of, even if they haven’t been overly successful. Go figure. My other theory is that they are hoping to get the next Bill Belichick. Belichick was the coach of the Cleveland Browns in the early 1990s, and had minimal success. Now, he is a sure-fire Hall of Famer who has 3 Super Bowl rings to his credit (he also cheated, but whatever). Plus, he looks like an absolute bum on the sidelines, which I support fully. I disagree with the reasoning though. There are 20 Phillips and Turner for each Belichick.<br /><br />One reason I will be disappointed when Phillips is ultimately fired is it will rob me of the pure joy of watching him on the sidelines during Cowboys games. When they do something well, he celebrates like he was just told to come on down as the next contestant on The Price is Right. He always incorporates his patented “extend both arms straight in the air and jump where I couldn’t even clear a Dallas phonebook” move, along with a delirious smile and hugging everyone in sight. Watching him when the going gets tough is always enjoyable also. The look on his face makes him look like he is perpetually stuck trying to figure out a tough crossword puzzle. Anyway, I’m not sure if Jerry Jones is ready to swallow his pride and hire a new coach. I just know that he should.<br /><br />Well, that’s it for blog #1. Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments or suggestions, please let me know. I am always up for constructive criticism.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2300179213324446212-2814504917458146654?l=brewsandballs.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Tom Shefchikhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00367507825169917466noreply@blogger.com0