Monday, November 21, 2011

The Magic Box

I love TV; that's no secret. That doesn't mean it is perfect. Here are some gripes and suggestions I have for my favorite medium.

Cakes and Cakes and Cakes

I like eating cake. That said, I don't understand why there are about a dozen different shows about fancy cakes and the people who make them. These people are undeniably talented, but I have zero interest in people spending way to much money on an (albeit awesome looking) piece of food that will be eaten or spoil shortly, while I'm sitting on my couch eating food out of a box. A similar show is the one about the professional sand castle builders. I feel like that sentence speaks for itself.

Make it Stop, Tyler Perry

Admittedly, I have never tried to watch any of his terrible-looking movies or TV shows. The reason is they are all terrible looking. The all seem like small derivations of each other, one as bad as the next. I know I shouldn't judge without seeing one, but I tried that with "Allen Gregory", Jonah Hill's new cartoon. I like Jonah Hill, so even though I saw previews and was very unimpressed, I gave it a shot. It was every bit as bad as I had feared, probably even worse. Maybe the funny was trapped in the weight he lost. Say what you will about me, but I occasionally learn from my mistakes, so I will just say no to Tyler Perry. The other maddening thing is great shows get cancelled or never get a chance, but absolute dreck like this or "Yes, Dear" or "According to Jim" live for the better part of a decade. "Community" is on the doorstep of death while "Two and a Half Men" keeps chugging along. It's all about ratings, but it sucks.

Good Times

They have shows about fishing, mining, guns, moonshine, weed, hoggers and everything else. In this sea of reality, somehow I haven't run into a good show about a group of buddies traveling around, checking the cool spots in various cities and mixing it up with the locals. Dave Attell sort of did this with "Insomniac", but I think a show like that would be much more interesting with a group rather than an individual. Think "Insomniac" meets the most entertaining parts of "The Real World", but with creative, fun people instead of dumb drunk whores, meets "Man Vs. Food", but with nightlife instead of restaurants. I'm sure shows somewhat similar to this exist, but I haven't seen one done right yet.

The Wide World of Sports

I love watching sports, and do it often. I just don't understand the programming of a lot of it. If I wanted to watch the spelling bee or hot dog eating contests (which I don't), I just have to flip on ESPN at the right time. On the other hand, exciting real sports like college hockey or Australian rules football are either localized or aren't broadcast. I understand that I am biased because I am a huge fan of the (National Champion) UMD Bulldogs and I hate watching hot dog eating, and that they show what will draw well. I guess this is more of a complaint on what people are interested in that the programmers, but I still don't like it. I hear that Versus and the NHL Network are talking about showing some games, so at least there is progress and a home that makes sense for both.

I would list some more gripes and changes I would like to make to TV, but I have to getting back to watch TV. Catch ya later.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Beast Mode

I started an insurance claim, made multiple important phone calls, and did laundry all without putting on real pants today. #BeastMode

I'm going to eat at least 3 full plates of food this Thanksgiving. #FeastMode

You will never guess who holds the all-time Major League record for RBI in an inning. #FernandoTatisMode

I'm craving some cinnamon raisin bread right about now. #YeastMode

Happy holidays to all my Spanish speaking hermanos and hermanas. #FelizMode

It will be funny to me that once my brother and/or sister have kids, I will be Uncle Tom. #NephewAndNieceMode

Greyhounds for life. #EastMode

I have some moments from my past that I could use atonement for. #PriestMode

I doubt the validity of most late night TV male enhancement products. #ProbablyNotIncreasedMode

This is a few pretty lazy posts in a row. #IWroteSomethingAtLeastMode