Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Beer-offs: A Prelude to a Championship

It's no secret that I am obsessed with sports. The best part of any sports season is the playoffs, to see who will be crowned the champion (Unless you're a Minnesota sports fan like myself, and your team either missed the playoffs again or otherwise break your hearts. Yet, I digress.).

It's no secret beer and I go back like my hairline. I don't always drink beer, I just drink it a lot, and when I do drink beer, I prefer...the eight beers I am about to introduce.

I got to thinking, and I've decided to combine two of my favorite things into one, and create a completely arbitrary and ultimately pointless beer playoffs. Think "The Bud Bowl" but with more teams and beers that taste less like dog farts.

Also, if these were strictly my eight favorite beers, the list would look  slightly different. However, I have decided not to include microbrews. They aren't readily available to all and are tough to sort through.

The Contestants

(Seeds are listed top to bottom.)


 Summit EPA has been my favorite beer ever since the first time I tried it. Very flavorful and definitely has a bite. I have found that this beer specifically and pale ales in general tend to be an acquired taste. That said, I am the judge, jury and executioner of this playoff, so the number one seed it is.

 Quick tangent: This is the first time I've ever seen this Honey Weiss logo, and I immediately want it on a shirt. So cool. Anyway, I've always liked Leinie's Honey Weiss because it is smooth but still has kick, flavored but not overly, and around here is available most everywhere. A strong contender for the crown.


Yes I did use the old logo; I prefer it and can do whatever I want. The highest ranking "economy" beer, but it has earned it's spot. It is a light beer that, you know, actually tastes like beer. I realize a lot of people who drink light beer don't actually like beer, but I do. Being light, it's drinkability is high and so is its value. Plus, I've been on Team Miller Lite in softball for years, so there is some loyalty involved too (I am still looking for someone to play our mascot, "Mittens the Miller Lite Cat, BTW).  


Back-to-back Miller reps. Besides being "The Champagne of Beers", it's delicious and cheap. I've spent many a weekend shower with the lady in the moon. She never disappoints. Those memories last; unfortunately for High Life, I have saddled them with a very difficult first round match-up.


If Canadians know anything, it's hockey. If they know anything else, it's beer...or maple syrup. Anyway, hockey and beer collide perfectly in the above tap handle. I've ordered tallboys of Labatt's strictly because of that thing. I get easily enamored with stupid things, so this bodes well for the representative from across the border. Forgetting how awesome that mitt is, the beer is damn tasty on it's own merit.


  • Fat Tire is a flavorful beer that packs a solid punch, but isn't as strongly flavored as some other brews. That isn't necessarily a positive in my book; however, I do think it makes it more drinkable for those who would normally prefer light beer. On the other hand, that doesn't matter since I have the only vote on this very important matter. Fat Tire is more than good enough to make the playoffs, but they have an uphill road to the championship.

    Leinenkugel's joins Miller with their second representative in the playoffs. Summer Shandy is crisp, smooth, delicious and perfect for a hot summer day. That said, this spot mostly represents all of the wonderful seasonal offerings out there. I easily could have slid Summit Oktoberfest or any number of other beers into this slot. But, I have summer on the brain, so here we stand.


    Hipsters have ruined it a little bit, but PBR is cheap, delicious and the blue ribbon logo kicks ass. So there.

    On the Outside Looking In

    (Since I'm still a child trapped in a man's body, right now I'm picturing these beers watching a selection show a la the NCAA tourney, feeling crushed, some crying and some hugging their coaches, left to wait for next year. I'm a loser.)

    Dos Equis (both Amber and Lager), South Shore Nut Brown, Coors Original

    Now that the field is set and the representatives have been introduced, it is time to decide a champion...soon. Hey, this is the first blog idea I've had in forever; I'd be a fool to not stretch it into multiple posts. Also, I realize that the spacing between logos is messed up, but I'm too lazy to figure it out and also think that extremely low production value is one of the things that gives this blog it's "charm".

    Stay tuned for the first round. 

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