Tomservations 2

It is not a good idea to relieve yourself in the pool. It is an especially bad idea to relieve yourself in the pool if you're wearing a white swimsuit.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...unless you hate yourself. Then just be nice.

After watching the VMAs and Lady Gaga's awful impersonation of a man, I am 100% convinced she doesn't have a hanglow. Oh yeah, and Britney Spears is really hot again. Noticed that, too.

If it's Saturday night, you are getting ready to go out and you don't have a beer in the shower, you just aren't trying.

The Twins are now 9-33 in their last 42 games. It's pretty awful that I envy KC Royals fans at this point. At least I won't have to watch the Yankees embarrass them in the playoffs yet again this fall.

I'm not sure if ladies' "time of the month" clocks actually do sync up, but roommates' laundry and shower ones absolutely do.

If something (or someone) seems way too easy, then it is.

The first time I've actually been excited to watch the Timberwolves play in over half a decade, and the NBA is locked out. I don't even know why I like sports.

I wish "In-N-Out Burger" was called "In-N-Out-N-In-Again" purely for comedic purposes.