Monday, February 21, 2011

These Are a Few of My Least-Favorite Things

Straight Guys Who Call Their Female Friends "Girl" or "Girlfriend"

It's completely acceptable for a girl to call a fellow female she is friendly with "girlfriend". It is also completely acceptable for a guy to call his girlfriend "girlfriend". Gotta call a spade a spade. However, when a straight man (or "man") calls a girl he is friends with "girl" or "girlfriend", it just seems...wrong. First of all, it comes off as kind of gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does. The other problem with it is, as my independent and unscientific research has proven, the less manly a man's nickname for a given girl is, it is indirectly proportional to the amount of desire he has to bang said girl. That's tough to argue with; it's unscience. In short, it's creepy. I've provided a chart to illustrate my point (Click to enlarge).

Movie and Music Snobs

I have certain tastes. Everyone does. That means there are things I like, and things I dislike. That makes me exactly like anyone else. What drives me crazy is when someone asks if I really like what they really like, then I say no, then they go off on a 15 minute tangent on why I'm wrong. I'm not wrong. I just don't like it.

It's also not that I don't get it. For example, I think Nirvana was a fine band who made fine music. However, I do not think they are amongst the greatest bands of all-time. Just because you do and I don't, doesn't mean I don't get it. Here's a tip: If you want to look like a self-righteous prick that no one in their right mind would ever want to hold a discussion with, start telling everyone you know they don't get things. Get punched in the throat by someone, then go back to being a decent human being again.

Terrible Drivers

I don't consider myself a great driver or even a good driver. I simply consider myself someone who knows how to drive a Goddamn car. No tickets, no accidents caused by me (knocking on wood so hard my knuckles are bleeding), no problems. So what is the problem with some people? Everyone who passed their driving test knows how to use a turn signal, but some choose to ignore their's. This is probably because they have a sandwich in one hand and their phone in the other, but that's exactly my point.

Also, the left lane on the freeway is the fast lane. If you aren't going fast, stay the hell out of it. Every time I have to brake off of my cruise control because some jackass is going the speed limit and lane-blocking me from passing others in the slow lane, I swear to everything holy I lose a day off of the end of my life. The two things that get my temper up more than anything are awful drivers and golf. I can't stop driving and I won't stop golfing because I hate myself, so if you suck at driving, please get better soon. My life longevity depends on it.

Whew, feels good to vent sometimes.

1 comment:

  1. I think the bottom labels on your chart should be the other way around. You're saying that a very unmanly man would absolutely want to bang the girl that he calls 'girl' or 'girlfriend' according to your line... and if a guy calls a girl 'buddy' he is clearly more manly, but he is absolutely not interested? I would think the more manly man would be much more interested and would call the ladies anything but 'girl' or 'girlfriend', and if you had no interest in a girl or were very girlish yourself, then you would call the ladyfolk 'girl', because you know that wouldn't get you laid and you had no intention on trying. Am I right?