Being a guy is great. Not having to worry about giving birth to a child and being able to relieve one's self virtually anywhere are two major examples why it's awesome. However, what's the best part about being a dude, at least in this dude's opinion? Facial hair. Sorry Mike, it's true. Personally, while I am lacking in top of the head hair growing ability, I have mad facial hair skillz.
The options for facial hair are virtually endless. The question is, what does a man's face fuzz say about the content of his character? Let's get to it.
A Big, Grizzly Beard
You've never met a razor you like. You may have designs on being a mall Santa at some point. You may be a lumberjack. Homeless? Possibly. Lazy? Definitely.
You are: A. In law enforcement. B. Really into NASCAR. C. Gay.
You enjoy facial hair, but maybe you're not all in. Maybe "the Man" tells you that's all the facial hair you're allowed. Or maybe you are a legend. No matter the situation, sideburns are a great warm-up for the facial hair big leagues.
Handlebars and Fu Manchus
You like attention. There is a high probability you are a Hall of Fame pitcher with an odd name. Or you're just an idiot.
...and that does it for our first foray into the land of facial hair! We shall return again soon.