These Are a Few of My Least-Favorite Things

Straight Guys Who Call Their Female Friends "Girl" or "Girlfriend"

It's completely acceptable for a girl to call a fellow female she is friendly with "girlfriend". It is also completely acceptable for a guy to call his girlfriend "girlfriend". Gotta call a spade a spade. However, when a straight man (or "man") calls a girl he is friends with "girl" or "girlfriend", it just seems...wrong. First of all, it comes off as kind of gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it does. The other problem with it is, as my independent and unscientific research has proven, the less manly a man's nickname for a given girl is, it is indirectly proportional to the amount of desire he has to bang said girl. That's tough to argue with; it's unscience. In short, it's creepy. I've provided a chart to illustrate my point (Click to enlarge).




Movie and Music Snobs

I have certain tastes. Everyone does. That means there are things I like, and things I dislike. That makes me exactly like anyone else. What drives me crazy is when someone asks if I really like what they really like, then I say no, then they go off on a 15 minute tangent on why I'm wrong. I'm not wrong. I just don't like it.

It's also not that I don't get it. For example, I think Nirvana was a fine band who made fine music. However, I do not think they are amongst the greatest bands of all-time. Just because you do and I don't, doesn't mean I don't get it. Here's a tip: If you want to look like a self-righteous prick that no one in their right mind would ever want to hold a discussion with, start telling everyone you know they don't get things. Get punched in the throat by someone, then go back to being a decent human being again.

Terrible Drivers

I don't consider myself a great driver or even a good driver. I simply consider myself someone who knows how to drive a Goddamn car. No tickets, no accidents caused by me (knocking on wood so hard my knuckles are bleeding), no problems. So what is the problem with some people? Everyone who passed their driving test knows how to use a turn signal, but some choose to ignore their's. This is probably because they have a sandwich in one hand and their phone in the other, but that's exactly my point.

Also, the left lane on the freeway is the fast lane. If you aren't going fast, stay the hell out of it. Every time I have to brake off of my cruise control because some jackass is going the speed limit and lane-blocking me from passing others in the slow lane, I swear to everything holy I lose a day off of the end of my life. The two things that get my temper up more than anything are awful drivers and golf. I can't stop driving and I won't stop golfing because I hate myself, so if you suck at driving, please get better soon. My life longevity depends on it.

Whew, feels good to vent sometimes.

Tomservations 1

I notice things, as most are wont to do, and I feel obligated to share some of these observations:

My favorite answer to the question "How's it going?" is "I can't complain!" even though I could complain about literally thousands of different things at any given moment (and clearly often do, as this blog post illustrates beautifully).

You never can fully appreciate how well Ibuprofen works until you have to deal with a splitting headache all day without it.

75% of drivers on the road today interpret "Yield" signs as "This sign doesn't fucking exist" signs and blow right through the intersection. In a cruel twist of fate, this often forces drivers on the non-yielding road to yield.

I get cravings for a specific type of food a lot. Many times I go get/make this food because of it, but it has never tasted as good in reality as it does in my head beforehand. Part of this is absolutely because I'm the one making it, but still.

I'm not sure that the idiom "Beer before liquor, you're going to be sicker," is true, but "4 pregame beers before a couple shots before 2 more beers before 2 different mixed drinks before 2 more beers before a shot before half of a meat and potato burrito before a nightcap at the house before bed, you're going to be sicker," is true 100% of the time.

Writing a post about random observations is great when you can't think of anything creative to write about.